Fresh start or tearing open wounds?

A few weeks ago, my brother told me that he had not heard from our mom in over a month. I hadn’t been in contact with her for a while, but knew that something was wrong if she hadn’t contacted any of us kids over the holidays. So, I got a hold of her parents and found out she had been in a coma (I don’t have a lot of details) and got encephalitis. This caused her to lose all of her memory. She has snippets and that’s it. She’s in a wheelchair because she doesn’t remember how to balance herself. She is a different person now. 

She has no idea why I didn’t have a relationship with her. She apologized to me for the first time today. She actually said she was sorry for being a bad mom. So now I’m faced with a really tough decision… 

Do I wipe the slate clean and accept her back into my life? The idea of having a mom that cares is really exciting. Well, she always cared, just looked out for herself more than me. It’s pretty damaging to grow up that way. I have problems with my own self worth, because I’ve always felt like my needs aren’t a priority. Anyway, I’m an adult now and I’m working on it.

Or do I keep my distance and continue living a life without her in it? It hurts either way, but she’s regaining her memories, what if she goes back to how she was? I’ll have to go through this loss all over again. She’s very unhealthy, and callous as it sounds, she’s not going to live very much longer. If I just keep dealing with losing her, like I have been, than her death won’t be as painful, right?

I’m so lost and confused. She called me last night and this morning and talks like a child. She didn’t remember anything about me. She has no idea what I look like or what my children are like. She remembers that I exist and that I have kids, and all of our names, but that’s it. How can I go about meeting my mother again? I feel bad not giving her a chance though! She’s like a child now and doesn’t understand. Is it cruel to deny her? I really don’t know what to do…

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2 Comments

  1. I know it’s not my place to give you advice but I think that that deserves a fresh start for your mom and you in particular. I know that what happened will always stay in your memories but tearing open wounds on & on again it’s never brought anyone any good… Give it a go… we live we try and once we tried and gave our 💯 we know that we did well:) all the best

    Liked by 1 person

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