The hardest two paragraphs

When I was 25, I decided to tell my story. I decided to write it all down and gave myself ten years to accomplish this as a personal goal. I’ve written so much of it, and rewritten most of it! I do plan to attempt to publish it once I’m done, but I’ll be doing it anonymously to avoid anybody figuring out who the story is about. 

There’s one part that I have trouble writing. This part of the story that is such a catalyst in my life and this moment that causes a majority of my future trauma and anguish… I just can’t put it into words without ripping it all open and laying it bare. I had a revelation tonight, while I was awake dealing with this specific trauma at 3am, it hurts right now. It’s raw right now, and it’s ripped open. Use it, and get the words out! It already hurts, so just get through the story. It’s a good thing I know the keyboard so well, because I could barely see through the tears.

Two paragraphs, that’s all it took to tell the story. Sure it’ll come up again and I’ll have to talk about it, but I can talk about it broadly and write about what happened because of it, but to actually tell the story of your own sexual abuse as a child… It’s hard. Those two paragraphs were the biggest obstacle in finishing my book. It took me four years from deciding to write my story to get the courage to write those two little paragraphs. I did it though!

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